Okay, this is just going to be weird, so I apologize...
About a month ago I had a nasty spill on a sudden patch of ice when I rode my bike to work. I fell and hit *really* hard, and my arm is still recovering. (Didn't break anything, but it was still nasty.) And I realized had I slid about 12-18 more inches, I could have ended up in Lake Michigan. I know how to swim, but, man...I don't know how well it would have worked out in that cold water with a fat guy on a bike and wearing a backpack! (Man...and the one day I didn't have a camera attached to the handlebars...I could have gotten some spectacular footage of an epic spill!)
Anyway...I don't know what came over me, but I got this idea to write out instructions as to what to do with me should I be discovered dead or unconscious as a result of a bike accident and stuffed them inside a pocket in my backpack. What to do with my various material possessions, what to do if someone puts up a "ghost bike" in my memory (spoiler: either have my wife disgustedly throw it in the Chicago River or have it fixed up and donated to a charity; I know they mean well but I freaking HATE those things), what to do in terms of a funeral, etc.
And the thing is...after I printed it out I felt completely mortified, almost as if I signed my own death certificate or something. I almost felt physically ill. My wife and I haven't made out a will yet and I *know* that a lot of the things I wrote in that note would probably not be...let's just say "allowed"...on a real legal will, but it was stuff that I was absolutely sincere about. (Such as, in my memory, have the city of Chicago designate a day in which people are allowed to take sledgehammers to cars that are parked or pulled over in bike lanes despire there being a wide open parking space immediately adjacent to the bike lane -- I can't STAND THAT, and I was dead serious about that, and conversely designate a day in which pedestrians are allowed to shove cyclists over if they're riding on sidewalks. Again, people would chalk it up to my sense of humor, but I'm absolutely serious about that. If you're on a bike, get OFF THE DAMN SIDEWALK unless 1) you're only using it as a VERY BRIEF crossover *and* 2) there are no pedestrians in the way.)
Really, it almost felt like I was writing a suicide note, even though the first thing in the note said, "If I don't survive, believe me, it was *not* a suicide attempt" because...I would never do that. Ever. EVER.
After a few days I dug the note out and tore it up and flushed it, and I felt better. Then later on I stumbled upon the document on my hard drive and re-read it and once again felt like total death...
Ever do anything like that and have that same feeling??? How did you deal with it???
Edited by dauber, 24 March 2017 - 12:14 PM.